Robyn On Surrogacy

We have TWINS!!

We got the ultrasound yesterday and found out that we do indeed have twins.  P was acting kinda nervous but to me - eh - it’s not three, right?  It was interesting, they were talking about how seeing the US made it more real and asking if it got me really excited to see them.  I think that’s one of the differences with having gone through this more times.  The first time, I do remember that US and seeing the little baby moving around struck me as being so concrete.  Now though, it was real from the very beginning.  I was happy to see the heartbeats.  I was relieved that they were so healthy.  I was glad to confirm that there were 2 babies.  Was it more real though?  No, not really.  Part of it too though, may be that they aren’t my babies.  The pregnancy is mine, and that is real without the US.  The babies?  Not so much.  I didn’t look at them and imagine staying up all night feeding them or teaching them to walk or anything like that.   That might play into it too.

I am VERY excited about it being twins though.  I wish I could tell everyone I walk past.  “Hi, you don’t know me, but still…. TWINS!”  I’m not sure WHY I’m so excited about it.  I think just the exclusivity of being someone that has carried twins.  I mean, I’m not excited about the more complicated delivery or the higher risks.  I’m not too excited about the higher possibility of bed rest and all that.  It will be very cute to see twins grow up together though - although how much of that I’d see is not really certain.  Ideally, we’d continue our friendship and hang out together and I would see them grow much like I see my friends’ kids grow.  That is what I would like.  

I went in for a second progesterone blood test today.  We’re hoping to get the amount of injected progesterone down as the pregnancy takes hold.  I’m down to 3ccs per day from 4, and after the results come in I’d like to be down to just 2ccs.  Ideally, I’d like to keep being tested to see if I could go down more, but 2ccs per day is where it seems some docs stop until 12 weeks when you stop them totally.  Since we will be 7 weeks on Friday (the date of our first appointment), that means I have a little over 5 weeks left.  Yuck and double yuck.  2ccs is nice, but so far it is still 2 shots per day, 1cc in the AM and 1cc in the PM.  I’ll see if I can do that in just ONE 2cc shot per day, but we will see.

I can really tell that my clothing is getting tight.  I’m hoping to hold out as long as possible before I give up my current wardrobe, however knowing there are TWO means knowing I won’t be able to button all my pants as long.  I’ll have to see when I can get some shopping time with the boys!

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So far, so good. The second beta was more than doubled and we have our cheesy and yet required ‘intro to pregnancy’ appointment coming next Friday. I dreaded this one with my last pregnancy (and even earned some choice comments left on my patient records regarding my attitude, I do believe) but this time it will be fun to watch P and J go through it. I just went in today for a progesterone check to see if we can get me lowered from my frightening double volume of PIO daily doses. Yes, once again, thank you ever so much to my thoughtful RE that said “You can’t ever have too much progesterone.” Dumbass.

In speaking of that, I’d like to link a blog that has touched to my concerns. The part that I agree with, well, I don’t specifically dissagree with any of her blog but I really really agree with this part: The donors and carriers NEED their own doctors in this process. A doctor that follows the donors and carriers and is specifically there to look out for them. A DIFFERENT doctor than the one that is looking out for the intended parents because there is a HUGE conflict of interest there and clearly, OH SO EVER clearly, the whole “do no harm” medical ethics clause is simply not enough to stand by. Here is the link: LINK

This woman’s daughter donated eggs and shortly there after had colon cancer and died. Now, no one is saying specifically that this CAME from the egg donation drugs. They are saying that there has been no research, no statistics, and no watch group out there following these people to SEE if there might be a link. One thing this mother noted was that she wanted the egg broker to follow up with the parents from the children conceived with her daughter’s eggs to notify them of the genetic risk. The egg broker said they could not because all the records were destroyed. My father donated a LOT of sperm and I presumably have half siblings out there in the world. I’ve since found out that he has a huge link to a rather horrifying illness it would be nice if I could contact those half siblings to notify them of this issue but there is no way to do so.

As I type this, I just got an e-mail from my agency. I notified them that I needed more PIO because the RE accidentally put me on double doses and instead of fixing it, just said that it wouldn’t hurt the pregnancy to have more progesterone so he was fine with it. The agency asked if I also needed HCG because apparently this RE’s protocol would also have me taking HCG! I’ve already been tested with HCG through the roof. Why in the WORLD would an RE put someone post transfer with positive betas on HCG? It just supports my theory that this RE is willing to consider my health a very very low second after doing anything it takes to make this pregnancy stick.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I KNOW I’m taking health risks for this. Last October I had a mass removed from my left breast that turned out to be fibrocystic. This is not a big deal BUT it can mean that I’m prone to fibrocystic masses and THAT can mean that I could develop breast cancer more easily. I’ve had a number of female relatives on my mother’s side develop breast cancer. It is not something that I should be playing with. I don’t take BCPs as a contraceptive because of the risks. This RE had me on BCPs before the cycles SIMPLY because he didn’t feel like trusting that I really would cycle when I said I would so he wanted to be sure. He didn’t care about my long term health, he cared about making this IVF procedure work. I’m on hormones now, in fact, so I know I’m increasing the risks. I’m willing to do it for the outcome. What I’m not exactly willing to do is put my life at risk just because, hey, you can’t risk a pregnancy with too MUCH progesterone. And why not toss in some HCG (which I’m not taking, thank goodness) while we’re at it?

It is extremely overdue to start giving donors and carriers their OWN doctors to JUST look out for them. Someone to follow them, to amass statistics like “Hey, a lot of my donors seem to be getting colon cancer, weird.” Someone to stand up for them and say “While a pregnancy cannot have too much progesterone, a grown woman CAN, plus, no one wants to have to give themselves more shots than needed. Let’s NOT flippantly double her PIO doses.”

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I’ve got my first beta back!  At 17 DPO (which I’ve taken to mean ‘day past oil’ is in, ‘days since I’ve started injecting myself with PIO’ because it is exactly the same as ‘days past ovulation’ with the fun difference of being accurate in my life.) I had a result of 1094 for HCG.  Because the average is in the 130-something range at 17 dpo, one starts to get antsy (or, in my case, excited) over the question, twins???  Actually, based on the numbers, twins seems on the low side, but we only transferred two so the odds of identical splitting aren’t super high.  (Although, totally possible, let’s not forget!)  A quick internet search will point out that the HCG level is hardly reliable for knowing how many babies are in there so we just won’t get to know until we get an ultrasound.  That is a very healthy number though so that makes me feel secure in the pregnancy.  Now we wait for tomorrow’s results to make sure the numbers go up like they should.

In sharing this with P and J, P had said something that in my enthusiasm, I’m afraid I brushed off more than I should’ve.  He was expressing how now that the realism of this is hitting him, it is much more frightening than it was before.  Now, this is EXACTLY how most parents-to-be feel so I totally understand and even expect it.  All the same, I wish I’d have taken him more seriously and let him talk about it.  It IS a scary thing - and based on what I know of their lifestyle now, it will be a HUGE change for them. 

Well, we will find out more as time goes on.  In the meantime, for research purposes, feel free to post what your own beta results were!

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First and foremost, I have big news!  We’re pregnant!  After a year of trying and a weekend worth of negative pregnancy tests, we got the positive test today.  We have a beta draw Monday morning and again Wednesday morning so that will be the official medical results but the officially peed on test says today that we are pregnant.

I tested this morning and was not expecting anything but it turned positive quite quickly.  It was VERY faint and stayed very faint, but it was positive.  The whole thing is surreal to me.  Like someone else is pregnant.  Which kinda, is true.  P and J are pregnant.  But more weird is the fact that I don’t feel pregnant.  No real symptoms to speak of.  I find that odd.  Shouldn’t my boobs be all weird and big and blue by now?  Shouldn’t my nose be able to smell the unwrapping of chocolate candies from across town?  Shouldn’t I be gagging as I try to brush my teeth?  Not that I am really hoping for that last one or anything.  It just seems odd.

Something else odd?  I left the pregnancy tests, the positive ones, there with P and J.  That’s not the odd part.  The odd part is that it bugs me that I don’t have one here to go and stare at when I don’t quite believe it is true.  How totally bizarre of me to begrudge them getting to keep the pee stick?  OK yes, I am used to hording and collecting positive sticks with the dates on them in my pregnancy.  OK, yes, perhaps it is slight OCD over this habit.  Really though, I just went home with the pregnant uterus and they got to keep a bit of plastic that I peed on and I’m irritated.  It almost feels like it is a bit of a culture shock to be doing this.  To have the experience and the customs of our world for being pregnant and changing them all up.  The big thing - the IVF, the knowing it is their baby, the village constructed fertility club where a whole baseball team worked together to help get this going - that isn’t such a big deal.  You know it and you go with it.  The little things, the habits, the gestures, those stand out more in your head because I think, you weren’t prepared for them.  I wasn’t prepared to come home tonight and be excited about being pregnant and not get to go look at the positive test.  How very very odd.

I feel the need to post about how momentous the results were.  How emotional and huge.  It is just hard because while I AM very excited, I’m excited that it worked.  I’m excited that we’ve made it past a huge hurdle.  I’m cautious, yes, of the rest of the hurdles and aware all too well that there are no gaurentees at this point.  But I don’t think that caution is what is holding me back from epiphany.  I am excited like I would be to hear that a very good friend is pregnant.  I’m excited like I would be to hear that AND to hear that I helped to do that and I was going to be involved in every little step to keep helping.  Perhaps the other side of it is that while we’ve spend a lot of time talking and getting to know each other over the last year, I’m still quite in ‘presentation mode’ when I’m around P and J.  You know, when you are not 100% comfortable to really be whatever you are so you feel like you are on stage or something with your actions?  I’m no shy person by any means however I think my natural tendency is to stay like that with people for a long time.  I hope that things become more natural soon.  Lastly I think part of my lack of reaction tonight was because of my 3 children running around.  I am NEVER the same person while I’m watching them.  I always have one ear in the conversation and both my eyes and half my brain following my children around.  (Or some combination as such.)  It is just not easy to have an in depth emotional experience with anyone for longer than 1.3 seconds when your daughter is handing you evil barbie and asking to have the ribbon retied around her waist for a belt and your son has locked himself into the bathroom and the younger son is quiet in the other room just because he has discovered that if he shakes the mimosa in his sippy cup up, the carbonation will make the cup drip and then he can write on the leather footstool with the liquid when it comes out.  (What, it was non-alcoholic sparkling juice I’m pretty sure.  I AM pregnant people.)

So that’s it!  We’re pregnant!  I will share how exciting the beta results are once I know them.

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I was searching the tag “womb For Rent” in Wordpress and came across this: http://bookbitching.wordpress.com/category/amanda-brian/womb-for-rent/

It is a wonderful review of a book that is apparently called Womb For Rent.  How did I not know there was a book out there called this?  Well, it is a very very bad book, so that might be how I did not know about it.  This review will give you the whole idea of the book as well as some really very hilarious lines.  You will enjoy the review. 

You will especially enjoy the review if you are working through surrogacy, or infertility in general.  There are some major gems of dumbness.  For example, when Derek is interviewing for his surrogate, I doesn’t go over selective reduction, expectations for contact after birth, if he would be allowed in the appointments, anything.  He doesn’t get a medical history on this girl and he doesn’t even know if she is fertile.  He is thrilled that she is single and unattached because, you know, it is better for the surrogate to have no support lines in her life.  He doesn’t bring up how she will feel giving up her baby (because this is not even gestational carrier stuff here) or anything.  THEN - ya - THEN - the surrogate has the contract changed to say that she would NOT do IUI.  She will only get pregnant if they have sex.  Derek thinks this is insane but is talked into it by all the people around him because - ya - because artificial babies are unhealthy.

Anyway, there is a line in there about nipples that nearly had me snort organic spinach out my nose.  Yes, it was that funny.

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6 dpo and counting…

I feel the need to say something that has been growing in my head.  Ready?  I don’t like being pregnant much.  Not, specifically, right now.  Obviously I have no idea if I am now or not.  Just in general.  I’ve had the occasion a couple of times to have friends tell their friends, while I was there, that I was being a carrier.  Everyone is being really great about it and all that, so this is quite minor but invariably, it seems, it starts out with “She loved being pregnant so much that she is doing it for other people.” or something like that.  Truth be told, I don’t so much like being pregnant. 

Yes, as I’ve said, I have it fairly easy when I’m pregnant.  By ‘fairly easy’ though, I just mean that I don’t get round after round of morning sickness and I don’t get gestational diabetes and I don’t tend to have all sorts of other problems that some people tend to have.  I do NOT mean that I waddle through pregnancy with narry a care in the world while glowing to the world and giggling while I dip into my pickle flavoured ice cream.  No, not so much.  In actuality, I’d prefer wearing my fancy new skinnier clothing while not always being super careful about what I eat and enjoying guilt free drinks from time to time.  I prefer waking up and getting out of bed without having to move heaven and earth and break my pelvis in the process just to roll over.  Really, it is not a piece of cake.

Why do I feel the need to point this out?  Because I think it trivializes what I’m doing.  Maybe it’s back to that hero complex I seem to have but saying that I want to do this BECAUSE I just simply love being pregnant takes something away from me.  As if, I just wanted to walk around pregnant and oh, BTW, a by-product is that someone gets to have a family.  I know, I’m being silly.  Still, it is my blog and I can be if I want.

I still haven’t tested yet.  Thank goodness!  Only 6 days past ovulation.  It is hard to be patient… but I only have the one test so I’m not going to waste it when I know it is clearly WAY too early.  But hey, if any of you want to get rid of pregnancy tests you have laying around, I could put them to good use for you.

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(Since my other blog was 100% about this, I’m posting the same blog on both sites today.  I won’t normally do that but it seemed easier today.)

Ahhhh… bed rest.  I’ve been looking forward to this part for awhile now.  Granted, this would get annoying if it went longer than one day, but now I’ve got the day to veg out in my bed.  Yes, it is actually my bed.  My mother is going to read this and get angry with me for not calling but we all decided that since it would be a lot of $$ to change my original Tuesday flight, I’d just go ahead and take the flight and then spend the rest of the day taking it easy at home.  I’ll have to call my mom about when to get together so I can finally see my kids again but until then, it is just NOT bedrest to have them here.

The transfer went well yesterday.  The only thing there is to do now is hope that the two little embryos can tell left and right from up and down and get themselves implanted.  And to start peeing on things.  While I’m not the type to be able to wait with that, even I recognise that the day after the transfer would be a tad too early.  Tomorrow though, definitely tomorrow. (I’m kidding, in case you can’t tell.  Good grief.  Of COURSE I’ll start today.)  In reality, I only have one little HCG test strip left over from my big purchase online when I was trying with Jessie.  I don’t even know if it would work but it certainly is no early detector.   If I use it too early and it is negative (as it most likely will be as it is so old anyway), then it is all gone and there aren’t any more tests to use. 

Whenever we test, if the results are positive, then we have a late April due date, the 24th, to be exact.  It is very odd to be wondering if I’m pregnant all the time.  I know this is a big ‘DUH’ on the IVF front, but it is odd to possibly be pregnant without having done anything.  To know that there is this embryo from someone else’s creation that I could be carrying.  We all watched as the embryos were put in on the ultrasound screen and that was all there was to it.  Simple.  Anticlimatic.  As suggestive as that word sounds, I wasn’t going to use it but I think I will.  Pregnancy - for the generally fertile couple - happens from sex.   This one was obviously not and the potentials are just so odd to think about.  Think about it I do though.. not the conception, or lack thereof, just the embryos.  What they are doing or if they are growing.  If they are on track for 2 weeks and 4 days today.

In addition to joining the official 2 week wait group, I’m joining the official ‘not working out’ group.  I can’t swim for 3 full days from the transfer time and I can’t get my heart rate over 130 outside of that.  While I want to keep up the routine so I don’t get out of habit, I’ll be keeping it really really easy until I can be transferredto my regular OB (whom I love, which is a tall order for any OB, if you are in the area and want the most amazing OB to work with, look up Dr Lex Lawson.  Or don’t, because he’s going to be busy.)  Once I’m with him I’m hoping to get more realistic care that is more focused on me as an individual and not me as a generic female.  The fertility doc has left me with his one last insult.  Yes, the 4ccs of PIO every day.  You see, they wanted 100mg of progesterone in the AM and 100 mg of progesterone in the PM via suppositories.  Suppositories are clearly the invention of a very evil troll, or at the very least someone (probably a guy) that was fond of the fun squishy feeling in your underpants all day long.  Gross.  So I made the initiative to request PIO injections that I could give to myself.  Well, because these people aren’t paying enough attention to the 48 person load they have at any given time, they told me to take 100mg, IE - 2ccs of PIO the morning after the retrieval.  They said nothing at all about the PM dosage and since my instructions were for suppositories (which, by ooziness default doesn’t all stay where it is put or get absorbed) I suspect that I did not, in fact, need to do that high of a dose.  When we were visiting the fertility doc so he could estimate my current lining grade based on looking at my face (or maybe the color of my shirt, I’m not certain), he told told me to yes, go ahead and to another 2cc shot at night and keep that up twice a day.  You can never have too much progesterone.  Um, OK, but you CAN have too many high volume shots, Dr smarty pants.  So really, if it is excessive, maybe you should’ve TOLD me that so that I could have done the smaller amount.  But no, he told me to do the higher amount.  THEN after the transfer I was told to do a 1cc shot in the AM and a 1cc shot in the PM by someone else so when I questioned the inconsistency, Dr Pain In The Ass said that it would be 1cc only, but since I started out doing the 2ccs, they didn’t want me to go down.  So now I’m stuck.  He ALSO said that I was not allowed to lower that dose or do it less often until 12 full weeks of pregnancy so he highly suggested that I go ahead and use the suppositories.  Since I would stop using tampons if this particular man suggested that I use them to help deal with my menstrual flow in the beginning of each cycle, there is now no way in hell I would ever, EVER use a progesterone suppository even if I DID like the feeling of peeled bananas in my pants.  (Which, for the record, I do not.)  Which brings me back to my hopes with being a patient of my tried and true OB.  I am ever so certain that once I get that + test and get to go to him, he will test my progesterone levels and based on that, probably allow me to lower the dose of what I’m taking to a more realistic level and continue to lower it as needed until the baby and the placenta are doing all the work.  Until then, 4ccs.  Lots of fun.  I opted to have the shot on my hip again this morning because my thighs just do not recover as quickly.  Maybe my hips are just getting used to it now.  I can say the airplane ride was not even a little bit uncomfortable due to the shot from that morning today.  Yay for the little things!

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I am leaving in 2 days!  For those of you doing the math, that means they have decided to KEEP my original Sat flight out and have me there on Sunday in case they decide to do a 3 day transfer instead of the agreed upon 5 day transfer.  Being the ever so educated ’smarter than a fertility doc’ gal that I am, I have my doubts as to the intelligence behind this choice, but oh well.  It is going to decrease our chances of having twins which I honestly would really really love to have, but I am not, in fact, the fertility specialist and if P and J (and the agency in general) had known me a little better they probably would’ve added “Robyn will shut the hell up when we decide to do things she doesn’t agree with.” to the contract.  Actually, my husband and most of the people I know would like that in a contract with me.  Too bad for them.

Where was I?  Oh ya, 3 day transfer.  Well, they also want me to plan on STAYING there until potentially Thursday if they want to do a 5 day transfer so they are keeping their options open and my vacation dates used.  Nothing like a unpredictable and difficult to plan procedure to travel to a different country for.  P and J and I have made the unbreakable pact that we will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, travel to a different country for an embryo transfer again.  As I type I can hear the little click of “closed to new patient” signs going up in fertility specialist windows across Minnesota.  Really, I’m not THAT bad to work with… if only they would learn that the orange juice must be freshly squeezed and not from concentrate.

All that complaining and you’d never know how totally excited I am about this!!  I am, I really am.  I’m just nervous too and of course I want it to work.  Twice.

BTW - when I went in for my US to check my lining, I had the girl give me a copy of the results.  Now, this was HER results and not the actual doctor’s results, so the accuracy might be in question.  I intend to swing by and pick up the results from the one I had a few months back before our first attempt to see if they are consistent.  Anyway, my lining was a velvety 9.5 mm which I do believe is grand.  I started to freak a little though when I looked at the bonus information they scanned.  Why?  I’m assuming this is a standard part of the lining measurements as most people that are having IVF also care about their ovaries.  Mine were, um, small.  I think.  My left one was the equivalent of a shrunken head at a grand total of 0.57 cc volume and the right one was a slightly more believable 4.25 cc which to the best of my google abilities is still way smaller than the 6.x mean for those of us in the 30-39 age bracket.  My right ovary thinks it is 45 and my left ovary thinks I’ve died 45 years ago.  How are these the ovaries of a person that has had 4 children with NO issues at all?  Have I been working with only one ovary my whole life?  Why in the world do I care right now anyway?  Thank goodness I’m not planning on having any more kids or I’d have some issues to come to terms with it sounds like.  But then again, none of that makes any sense.  Maybe someone out there (with an actual amount of knowledge in this area) can tell me what those results mean.  I did have an ultrasound when I was pregnant with Jessica and they told me I had a small cyst on my right side.  That was in 2003 so I’m assuming the cysts isn’t around still but wouldn’t they have also mentioned, oh, BTW, your left ovary is totally non-functioning if that were the case?

After the panic of the past 5 days or so with the schedule issues, I ended up telling my manager what I’m going to be missing work for.  He was fine with it.  I was worried that telling him would make him think I was going to be mental because, well, I WAS mental when I told him of my last pregnancy.  He may think that, who knows.  I didn’t have much choice though because who voluntarily keeps changing their vacation time around so chaotically without a woman’s menstrual cycle being the root cause?  Now that the cat is out of the bag though, I feel much more free to discuss what is happening at work.  Still, I am nervous that there will be some fallout.  I know that ‘performance reviews’ are frighteningly susceptible to simple little impression things as I recently lost 70 pounds and my performance reviews, without me actually changing my actions, correlated in the opposite direction straight up.  That means I’ll have to work hard to stay ‘professional’ looking at my job now.

Well, wish us luck however we end up doing things!  Hopefully I’ll come back knocked up.  Also hopefully the security at the airport won’t detain me due to the large and frightening needles I’ll be packing in my luggage for the progesterone party I’ll be throwing after the transfer.

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And yet, so completely outside of the realm of normal and easy.  The boys were supposed to fly out on Sunday for the retrieval, however they received word on Friday that the egg donor is responding slowly and we’re pushed out by about 5 days.  No word on what to do about the flight that they were about to take.  Frustrating?  Yep.  Also, no word at ALL to me about any of this so I am extremely fortunate that my guys are on top of letting me know what is going on.  If it wasn’t for them, I’d still be sitting here thinking I had vacation and work projects and childcare and everything lined up and ready for a flight out this Sat.  Now, I know how totally screwed up this is going to be and that I should start getting everything rearranged. 

Apparently, she has about 20 follicles all about 1… um.. mm?   I don’t remember.  Anyway, they are too small for a retrieval round about NOW like what they wanted.  I can’t help but suspect that this is because they are probably treating HER like they are treating ME which is to say, like how they treat their ultrasound machine.  Truthfully, they probably tell the US machine more about its upcoming schedule.   The point is, being the living human beings that we are with totally chaotic living human being bodies that are all different, the egg donor’s body probably has a set way of stimulating eggs that works best for her system.  I’m willing to bet that she’s probably pretty well aware of this AND since she has donated before, she could’ve helped to adjust and tweak the meds just right for her system to have the response be what they wanted.  Instead, they probably (again, educated guess based on what they are doing with me) threw their standard drug schedule at her without even consulting her or discussing the end goal or the purpose for the meds or anything like that, and this is what we get.  Delay.  Delay without communication.

That brings me to my other point.  I’m FINE with the delay.  I GET that this is pregnancy we are working with and it isn’t really all by the books.  Really.  Couldn’t ONE person though, besides my intended parents whose job it is NOT, call me and let me know?  They call and let the intended parents know.  Even the most recent e-mail that just said “We still don’t know what is going on yet.” was addressed to the intended parents and I was just copied on as an afterthought. 

Perhaps the outrageous insult of not even being notified is a blessing though.  You see, then I can be all mad at them for treating me like the dildo wand for their ultrasound machine instead of an actual patient and THEN I don’t have to be scared and frustrated about the actual process.  I mean, 20??  Isn’t that a WHOLE FREAKING LOT?  Of course we have control over how many we use but doesn’t that mean she was stim’ed way out of the boundaries of normal and she’s going to be hurting big time when this is done?  Also, with them all being tiny… what does that mean?  Does it hurt the odds of their eventual implanting and growing into little humans?  This is admittedly starting to shake my core theory that everything will go perfectly for me the first time around and IVF odds won’t actually apply.

At this point, I’m back to not having a travel date or a transfer date.  We are still working to keep this cycle.  As the doc said, “We can keep Robyn’s lining for another week or so.”  (That, BTW folks, was the extent of what they said of or to me.  My lining is good for another week or so.  The rest of me, I’m not entirely certain this doctor knows there IS a ‘rest of me’.  I think if I ever do get out to see him in person and I start talking he might just fall over at the shock of seeing a talking uterus.) At any rate, we’re not out yet.  We are still pushing forward to keep this cycle and make it work.  Hopefully, work it will.

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Here is an interesting question.

In a self described effort to keep costs down, our agency does a number of things. Things kind of annoying, and yet it does keep the costs down. For example, they are paying the people that handle the cases peanuts and as such, they are young, inexperienced, and make a lot of mistakes. They also have a lot of turn over because really, who lands a very very low paying job and intends to stay at that rate for years and years? They also have people travel for cheaper medical care for the transfer part. This causes many headaches about timing and childcare and time off of work and everything. They also put a good deal of pressure on the carrier to cut costs. They push to have the carrier’s support person that has to travel with her (because of the cheaper medical care) pay his/her own way. They cap out the costs of maternity clothes at $400, which, I’m good with but I dress like a bag lady so I may be out of touch. There are other things, I don’t need to list every detail, the point is, this is your McNugget version of a surrogacy program.

They do this because they would like to remove the dollar amount as the reason people who want children could not do this. Well, as much as they can, anyway. I can certainly appriciate this, but at the same time, I can also see that there would be some people that CAN afford it and would prefer to have an easier, better managed program even if it means the total cost is higher.

My ponderings, in my head, are: Would it make sense to have a selection of surrogacy programs with each having its own price tag? The economy version would have every corner cut, the premium would have choice customer service and local, convienent medical care. There could be a middle ground one too maybe. Would that be weird? I could see the opposition - worry that rich people get the better carriers and better medical attention. All the same, is it better to just make everyone deal with the drawbacks? To an extent, it is like this now. People certainly have a choice in which agency they use and can base that choice on price vs service. Heck, some west coast egg donation places change the cost of the egg donor’s services based on her pedigree.

I don’t know. Not being on either side of the issue (agency or intended parent), it is impossible for me to say. Being on the recieving end of the not so perfect customer serivce and the unfortunate travel issues I clearly have reason to wish that were not the case, but it is easy for me to say when I don’t have to foot the end bill. Being that I want to do this to help people, however, makes me agree that I’m willing to deal with it to allow someone who might not have been able to afford this still be able to consider it.

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